Looking After Yourself

One of the questions I ask every client is, “How are you looking after yourself at the moment?”

It's funny how often that question is met with silence.

Not because people don't know what self care is. I think it's because we're so busy looking after everyone else that we rarely stop and ask ourselves the same question.

Truth be told, I'm asking myself that question quite a bit too.

Life is wonderfully full. I have two teenage boys, a dog who reminds me every afternoon that it's time to head outside, a cat who contributes very little to the household other than asking for dinner, and a counselling practice that I genuinely love. Some weeks I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of looking after myself. Other weeks... not so much.

I often think about that saying, “You can't pour from an empty cup.”

I know... it's a bit of a cliché.

But clichés usually become clichés because there's a little bit of truth in them.

I've realised that self care isn't really one thing. It's often lots of little things. A walk. A conversation with a friend. Cooking something healthy. Sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Going to the gym. Watching a favourite TV show. Sometimes it's even a chocolate bar after a particularly long day.

I've also noticed that what I need changes. On the days where life feels steady, I might have the energy to go for a run or spend time with friends. On the harder days, looking after myself might simply mean getting to bed a little earlier or giving myself permission to slow down.

Self care isn't one size fits all because life isn't one size fits all.

I often encourage clients to think about different parts of themselves. How am I caring for myself physically? Emotionally? Psychologically? Socially? Spiritually? Usually one area has been quietly asking for our attention.

A financial adviser once told me to pay yourself first. Put something aside before life spends it all for you.

I wonder if our wellbeing deserves the same thought.

What if we put ourselves into the diary before the week disappears? Not because we're being selfish, but because we're important too.

The people we love will often look after us when they can. They can support us, encourage us and remind us that we're not alone. There's something incredibly important though, about learning to look after ourselves too. I've found there can be something quietly strengthening about choosing to care for ourselves, especially in the moments when we feel the most gentle and fragile.

I'm still learning what self care looks like.

I imagine I always will be.

Maybe that's why I keep asking my clients that question.

Not because I'm looking for the perfect answer.

Simply because I think it's a question worth coming back to.

How are you looking after yourself this week?